Small, Private Wedding or Wedding with Family?

Dear Amy: I am 65, and I met a wonderful woman. We were planning on getting married on the beach in Hawaii at my brother’s time share, and then celebrate with family later.

I have four kids who say they want to be there when we say our vows. They cannot afford to go.

I told them that this is not our first marriage (we are both widowed) and we just want a small thing in Hawaii, and then to celebrate with them afterward.

My one daughter is getting married next month, and she said, “How would I like it if we went off and got married and then came back to celebrate?”

I feel that this is her first wedding, and it is a big celebration. We don’t want a big wedding. We just want a small celebration. Should we say our vows in Hawaii, or should we save it for home?

– Concerned Father

Dear Father: You should have the wedding you want to have (and so should your daughter).

However, while I don’t usually advocate for the tail wagging the dog, given how many adult children don’t welcome a parent’s second spouse into their lives, perhaps you should be honored by their enthusiasm. Maybe you could plan a small ceremony and brunch in your home with children and spouses, and then catch your flight to Hawaii for your honeymoon.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers.