Overworked Mom, Freeloading Sons

Her sons are adults with six-figure careers, living at home without chipping in. This unappreciated, overworked mom is at her wit’s end. See what advice columnist Eric Thomas has to say.

Dear Eric:

My sons are currently 26 and 24 years old. Both went to amazing colleges and currently have six-figure careers. They both moved back home when their colleges shut down for COVID.

Neither son is looking to “launch” from the nest, blaming high costs of living in our area, blaming boomers for ruining the world, etc. They have a bad attitude when asked to do anything and contribute zero dollars to the household except pay their minimal student loan, car insurance, and cellphone bill.

I am exhausted from constant cleaning, meal prep. The levels of entitlement and expectations are absurd. I’ve asked for help, suggested they each take charge of dinner one night a week (cook or takeout!) and nothing is sticking.

I have even given a harsh deadline or two to the oldest. I don’t know how to get them “launched” without damaging our relationships further.

P.S., involving their father, from whom I’m amicably separated, is useless. He has refused to take care of himself over the last 20 years, is consumed with his illnesses, is not a positive role model and now has dementia.

– Overworked Mom

Dear Mom:

Your sons are making six figures, don’t have rent, and are treating their mother as their maid? I’m calling the Hague.

They’re going through a strange phase of life and think that being catered to is just “part of your job.” Absolutely false.

And I don’t see what boomers “ruining the world” has to do with not cleaning up the house.

At this point, you’ve got to make things hard in order for them to get better.

Stop cooking for them, start charging them rent, take them off of your cellphone plan. Be clear with them that you have to do this because you’re being treated with disrespect. The financial burden they’re placing on you will impact your retirement and your quality of life.

And make the rent equivalent to what it would be in your area. How do they expect to make it in the world if they don’t know how to realistically budget for the world? Putting some financial requirements on them is a way of parenting them into adulthood.

I’m going to be frank with you: it’s going to cause conflict. And some of your sons’ behavior may be a response to depression or trauma. You don’t have to carry the burden of making everything OK, though.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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