It’s Time for Monopoly for Baby Boomers
A game for our era
Isn’t it time boomers had their own version of the board game they grew up playing? Humorist John Ficarra offers ideas for a Monopoly Baby Boomer Edition.
Companies are always looking for ways to “extend their brand” – which is corporate-speak for “get even more money from their existing customers.” The makers of the game Monopoly have been extremely successful at this, creating over 300 variations of their iconic game targeted to specific audiences including Monopoly Star Wars, Monopoly Super Mario Bros. and Monopoly National Parks.
But there’s one significant segment of the population that Hasbro has completely neglected – Baby Boomers, individuals born between 1946 and 1964. Isn’t it time they had their own edition of the board game they grew up playing? It wouldn’t take much tweaking to turn the existing game into a runaway best-seller for those in their golden years…
The object of the game, to acquire properties as players travel around the board, would remain the same, however all of the properties would be given new names. For example, Marvin Gardens, Ventnor Avenue and Atlantic Avenue would be changed to Ambien Way, Eliquis Lane and Colace Court.
“Free Parking” would be redubbed “Free Handicapped Parking” while “Go to Jail, Go Directly to Jail” would be “Go to the Walk-In Clinic. Go Directly to the Walk-In Clinic.”
Classic token pieces, such as the Top Hat, the Thimble, the Iron, the Race Car, the Scottie Dog and the Boot would be replaced with a Wine Bottle, a Cruise Ship, an AARP Membership Card, a Mahjong Tile, a Pickle Ball Paddle and a Golf Cart.
One big twist, even if a player owns all the properties of the same color, they would no longer be allowed to “build” houses and hotels on them and collect rent. The reason? Who wants to have to take care of a big house or hotel at this point in their lives?
Some of the biggest changes would involve the yellow and orange cards known as Community Chest and Chance.
Among the revised Community Chest cards:
- Shingles Vaccine Co-Pay – LOSE $35
- Reverse Mortgage Windfall – COLLECT $15,000
- Winning Lottery Scratch-Off Ticket – COLLECT $2
- New Grateful Dead Bootlegs Box Set – PAY $150
- Monthly Medical Alert Bracelet Fee – PAY $50
New Chance cards would include:
- You Get Stuck Buying School Raffle Tickets from Multiple Grandchildren – PAY $250
- Insurance Company Refuses to Cover Your Prescription Because
- There’s a Cheaper, Generic Version Available – PAY $350.
- Advance Token to Prevagen Place but Forget Why You Did – LOSE A TURN
- You Miscalculate Your IRA Mandatory Distribution – PAY IRS PENALTY: $4,000
- You’ve Fallen and Can’t Get Up – LOSE A TURN
Lastly, every time a player passes Go, in addition to collecting $200, they have the option of advancing their token to Water Works, which has been renamed “Public Restrooms.”
The usually market-attuned Hasbro is clearly sitting on a gold mine. Yet no Monopoly Baby Boomer Edition is in the works. The question for Hasbro execs is, why not?
John Ficarra is a New York based humorist. His work has appeared in the New Yorker, the Washington Post, the AlbanyTimes Union and Newsweek.
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A local Monopoly: Richmond, Virginia, edition
