Manipulating Their Daughter Long Distance

Parents are manipulating their daughter long distance, putting the parents’ long-time friend in the middle. “This daughter is a legal adult, and my husband and I have absolutely no intention of caving to her mom’s demands,” the friend tells advice columnist Eric Thomas.

Dear Eric:

Friends of ours, who live on the other side of the country, have a daughter who is a senior in college in the same town we live in. It’s not uncommon for the daughter to spend holidays like Thanksgiving, or the occasional weekend, with us.

Occasionally, she brings her boyfriend, whose company we also enjoy. Recently, her mom texted us and told us that we were not to allow her daughter to bring the boyfriend to our house for weekends.

The wording was, in fact, “Do not allow [name of daughter] to bring her boyfriend to stay with you; we are against that.” Um … this daughter is a legal adult, and my husband and I have absolutely no intention of caving to her mom’s demands. We just need a way to tell mom to butt out because, honestly, who we entertain at our house is none of her business. She is sure to ask again.

– Open House

Dear House:

Oh wow, you’re going to want to stay as far away from that as possible. The most expedient way is to tell your friend, “That’s between you and your daughter. You two should work this out.”

Friends of a person’s parents can act as surrogate parental figures through life, but this goes beyond that. There’s a conflict that is already brewing between your friends and their daughter, one which they have failed to successfully communicate about.

It’s unlikely that either side doesn’t know where the other stands. Bringing you into their stalemate isn’t going to change anything.

You’re right, the parents would be wise to stop trying to control their adult daughter in this way. Likewise, the adult daughter should have given you a more in-depth heads up about the disagreement with her parents, if only to avoid creating tension in your friendship with her parents. But if you don’t have a problem with two adult guests sleeping in your house, there isn’t much more to discuss. Sleep well.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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