‘I’ll Forgive, But I’ll Never Forget’

I’ll forgive, but I’ll never forget. That’s a slogan that has been around for decades. But is it the way to go? I mean, do we have to forgive? What’s the point of that if you can’t forget what was done to you?

I like it the other way around.

I think it’s better to forget and big deal about the forgiving part. I don’t want to give my energy to storing the offensive person in my head! That is valuable real estate in my opinion. And there’s no room in the inn. Forgiveness is for a higher power. I am a mere mortal.

Of course, you can forgive. But forgiveness should be reserved for someone that you care about. In other words, there is an end to the means. There is a return on the investment; a yin to the yang. You care about them so it’s in your best interest to forgive them. I don’t think that should apply across the board though.

When someone tells me that I should forgive the person who hurt me because it will set me free, I say Poppycock! No, it won’t! It just adds another brick thrown into the already heavy backpack I’m wearing! Not my problem! Why do I have to exercise forgiveness and then be told, “but never forget”? I would just like to forget the whole kit and kaboodle!

What will navigate me towards forgiveness is an old-fashioned “I’m sorry.” Why is that so hard? Like many people, I have had my fair share of hurtful people come in and out of my life. I consider myself a relatively easygoing person too. But I have come across a good number of people who find it impossible to admit their faults and just say, “I’m sorry.”

I know it’s hard. All you have to do is turn on the news and see the constant discord in our politics. I mean, wow! Talk about mean girls and boys tearing each other apart with no apologies in sight.

One of the first things I learned from my parents as a child was to say “I’m sorry” to the sibling I innocently and accidentally socked! I said “I’m sorry” to a sibling at least 700 times during my childhood. I also experienced forgiveness in those instances because it was in my sibling’s best interest to forgive me if she wanted to play ball with me later. The whole forgive and forget or forget and forgive is heavy. I know. But I think if we could all just be nice to one another forgiveness would not be necessary and we wouldn’t want to forget that person and we wouldn’t expect an apology! Seems simple to me.

Let’s all play in the sandbox nicely now, shall we?

Karen Czuleger Strgacich is a national sales director in the hospitality industry, helping to bring meetings and conventions to the city of Los Angeles. She has worked in the industry for over 30 years. She loves her career and paying it forward by mentoring future hospitality and meeting professionals and helping them obtain scholarships. She raised two children as a single mom, a feat that was at times the most challenging thing she had ever done, but also by far the most rewarding. After work, Strgacich blogs her thoughts, experiences, trials, and triumphs to sites focused on single motherhood and professional working women. You can email her at strgacich@gmail.com.

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