Girlfriend’s Behavior Affects the Grandkids

Is it ever OK for a mother to express concern about her grown son’s girlfriend? Perhaps when the girlfriend’s behavior affects the grandkids. Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.

Dear Eric:

My son lives with his girlfriend and his kids. I feel she’s one way in front of my son but behind his back she is the other way. It’s like my son does everything with the kids and house and she does nothing. When I go over, she never comes out to greet me. If I invite my son to my place, he always says “oh, she doesn’t feel well.” Then she makes the kids pour her drinks. Lord knows I try to mind my own business but it’s not easy. What do you think I should do?

– Grandmom Watching Over Grandkids

Dear Grandmom:

While we sometimes have to let sleeping dogs lie with regard to the relationship choices of our loved ones, the detail about the girlfriend making the kids pour her drinks is concerning. Since the girlfriend’s behavior affects the grandkids, it’s appropriate to intervene by talking to your son. It’s not appropriate and suggests that there could be other areas where your son’s girlfriend is putting the kids into unsafe or unwise positions. Express your concern to him about it. This also puts him in danger, so it’s important that he address it right away.

Rooting this conversation in the well-being of the kids may also prompt him to take a look at other ways this relationship may not be in his or their best interest. He may choose to stay in the relationship if she changes her behavior, but at least he’ll know that you’re in his corner and he can go to you if and when he needs more support.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

©2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Find more words of wisdom like when the girlfriend’s behavior affects the grandkids – from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis, DNA surprises, and more – in the Boomer Advice for Life department.

For advice targeted to senior adults and their families – like caregiving, grandparenting, retirement communities, and more – browse Asking Eric on SeniorGuide.com.