Ask Amy: Woman Has a Construction Crush

Dear Amy: I am a 62-year-old divorced woman.

I have not dated – or been interested in dating — for many years.

In January, my house caught fire and now is being completely renovated.

There is a man who is part of the crew that I have fallen for.

This is unusual for me — to say the least.

My daughter and my best friend are shocked at how I am acting – like I am in high school!

The problem is that I don’t know if he is married, has a girlfriend, etc., and I am way too shy to ask him.

I find myself making up questions to ask him when I go to the house.

I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him.

How do I find out if he is married? All the other guys have wedding rings except for him.

I know construction workers frequently do not wear their wedding rings due to possible injury.

I feel as if I am losing my mind! Help?

– Crushed

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Dear Crushed: You could check social media (Facebook, etc.), to see if you can locate a profile for the object of your crush. His stated “status” might clear this up.

I am married to a builder, and I assure you that the men on his crew wear “work safe” wedding rings if they’re married. (I could say that the “risk of injury” applies more to what might happen at home if they didn’t.)

When I shared your question with my husband, he heartily encouraged you to go for it!

One benefit of that “high school” feeling is that the wacky energy you’re experiencing can propel you to be bold. You just need to steel yourself to accept the possibility of a gentle “no.”

I can’t help you to become less shy, but maybe I can inspire you.

Over a decade ago, under circumstances extremely similar to yours, I acted on my own crush (which incidentally launched me back more toward middle school than high school). I did it by utilizing my version of Napoleon’s legendary battle plan: “You engage. And then you wait and see.”

I got up the nerve to ask the handsome builder renovating my house out for coffee. After many years as a single parent, it was the bravest and best bid for romance I’ve ever dared to make. (My teenage daughter rolled her eyes – and cheered me on.)

Six months later, we were married. Talk about a renovation!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson