Ask Amy: Is Wine the Weight Problem?
A wife doesn't want to whine, but...
Dear Amy: I am married to a wonderful, kind, and generous man.
We have a very good marriage. We’ve never had a real argument or nagged each other about anything.
I am worried about his weight, however.
He had lost a lot of weight, but now he’s regaining it.
This is because he has a glass of wine just before bed.
I don’t mind his daily glass of wine, but I wish he’d have it at dinnertime so that his body has time to process it.
I know he enjoys his bedtime snack, so I’m loath to bring it up.
How do I gently and kindly ask him to forego it at bedtime without sounding like a nag?
– Worried
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Dear Worried: If your husband’s nightly glass of wine makes him surly or uncommunicative, or interferes with his sleep, your shared intimacy or sex life, then you get to bring it up.
In short, if his night-wine affects YOU, then you should initiate a conversation about it.
If his glass of wine at bedtime doesn’t directly affect you (and it doesn’t seem to), then you should keep your thoughts to yourself.
In my opinion, your basic assumption is off-kilter. More likely, his weight gain is the result of a dozen little and large choices he makes throughout the day, not the timing of his nightly drink.
Furthermore, if he has struggled with his weight and has managed to successfully reduce, then he knows the basic rules of weight-loss.
If you want to continue to support his weight loss, you should ask him, “What’s the best way I can support you as you work toward your goals?”
I hope he answers, “Just continue loving me, just as I am.”
I’ll offer an (unsolicited) opinion on how to have a happy marriage: Learn to fight. Learn to forgive. And try mightily to love one another through thick and thicker.
In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068
© 2021 by Amy Dickinson
