Ask Amy: Innocent Exercise Leads to Suspicion

Dear Amy: My husband began walking for exercise with a female friend.

Over time, I noticed that he was constantly checking his phone or texting her throughout the day.

His mood would be very different if she couldn’t walk that day.

I know that he asked her over to our house, telling her that I would be out of town.

He would also make plans to call her during his walks when he and I were away from home. He would never talk to her in my presence.

I finally sat down and had a talk with him, explaining how this made me feel.

He assured me that his contact with her was all completely innocent.

He would not acknowledge asking her to come to our house when I was gone.

I asked to see their exchange of texts, and he refused.

Since it was clear that he was not willing to acknowledge my feelings, I talked to the female friend myself and told her exactly what my husband and I had discussed. She ended their walking routine.

My husband is very angry because of the things I said to her.

Was I wrong?

Shouldn’t husbands and wives be open about sharing texts?

– Upset

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Dear Upset: Over the course of most marriages, partners don’t reflexively share all of their outside communications with one another, but you and your husband are at an inflection point, and a marriage counselor might suggest that your husband share his texts with you as a way to establish – or re-establish – trust. Oftentimes, this sort of transparency is an important step in moving forward.

You went above and beyond to interrupt the relationship that you believe was threatening your marriage, and while your husband is angry and defensive now, if you two are able to repair your relationship, he might come to grudgingly admire your fierce defense of your union.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson