Ask Amy: A Save-the-Date but No Invitation

Dear Amy: I met a friend of mine three years ago while beginning graduate school. We both work for the same state agency but in different locations.

The two of us are members of a tight-knit group of 11 grad students who have assisted each other through the grueling experience of attending a master’s program while managing life’s other demands.

My friend got engaged and stated that she was inviting the group, but not necessarily with significant others, due to numbers. Totally understandable.

Unfortunately, she had to reschedule her wedding from October to May, due to the pandemic and restrictions.

I received a Save-the-Date in the mail and immediately let her know I received it and was super excited. The wedding is now one month away, and I never received an invitation.

I’m assuming at this point I won’t be receiving one — given the timing.

This friend is an individual who is very type A and is super-organized.

I completely understand that pandemic restrictions may have created a need to decrease wedding guest numbers, and she might have had to make cuts, however, there was never any mention of “sorry we had to make some changes,” or any communication about it.

I even assumed maybe there was an issue with the mail, however, I believe this friend would have contacted me if she hadn’t received an RSVP, due to her level of organization.

Mostly, I don’t want to make things awkward; so I have not asked the others in our group if they received invites, nor have I questioned my friend.

I don’t want to potentially make anyone feel bad. I had purchased a few new dresses and was looking forward to celebrating my friend’s big day with my school family. Now I’m not sure what to do with this?

– Confused and Disappointed

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Dear Confused: I am currently in possession of three summertime “Save-the-Dates” for wedding celebrations that still might not happen.

This past year has been so challenging for people trying to have wedding celebrations – please approach this with an understanding and tolerant attitude.

And ask her! Contact her to say, “I completely understand if your wedding plans have changed and your guest list has decreased, but I have a Save-the-Date and didn’t receive an invitation, so I’m still unsure of your final plans. Sorry to nudge you – I know things have been crazy – but please let me know if I’m still invited. If not, no worries, and I’ll send love and good vibes to you on the day.”

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson