Advice from Amy: Suspicious Pic In Husband’s Phone

Advice columnist Amy Dickinson responds to a woman who inadvertently discovered a suspicious pic in her husband’s phone, triggering feelings from an affair he had with the woman in the photo many years prior. What does Amy have to say?

Dear Amy:

Recently my husband and I were vacationing. While enjoying the view of the water, I asked to borrow his phone since mine was back in the hotel room.

I took a photo and was texting it to the kids when another photo popped up of a woman in a bathrobe with tousled hair.

This is the same woman he had an affair with 30 years ago.

He swears he has had nothing to do with her and that she just sent that photo out of the blue.

Please. Clearly, he never broke it off with her if she still had his number and was texting him.

He has said that she is still just a work associate, but that is just hurtful and deceitful, too.

He says he loves me and that I am his life. But now, I can’t believe a word he says.

He has always traveled a lot and is always on his phone.

I feel like I am seeing him accurately for the first time in our 37-year marriage.

I know he has made other questionable comments to friends regarding women. I’m now wondering if he may have a sex addiction.

I am in my 60s and need to start a new life.

Any suggestions?

– The Blind Wife

Dear Wife:

Every new life starts with one moment.

This photo obviously has triggered extreme feelings and dormant suspicions for you, and you should let this very tough episode lead you into a marriage counselor’s office.

Relationship counseling cannot always save marriages – but it can help you to reach the next moment. Counseling can help you to break up (if that’s where you’re headed), while preserving some of the good moments from your very long marriage.

With your marriage on the brink, you and your husband should be inspired to communicate honestly. A neutral person can help to mediate.

You should also see a lawyer on your own and research the divorce laws where you live.

Relationship therapy and legal consultation are not mutually exclusive – in fact, this combination should be empowering.

Want to get even more life tips from Amy? Read more of her advice columns here!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from when a spouse demands immediate attention to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson