Advice from Amy: ‘Grandmom Is Annoying Me’

This ’favorite grandson’ tells Amy that his 91-year-old grandmom is annoying him by expecting too much of him. What does Ask Amy advice columnist Amy Dickinson suggest?

Dear Amy:

My grandmother is 91 and lives on her own. Her husband died a year ago.

Although she has a few other grandchildren locally, I have always been her favorite because I was the first grandson.

My mom lives less than a mile away and sees her almost daily, and my grandmother talks to her neighbors, so she isn’t totally isolated.

I am in my 40s and live 20 miles away.

Ever since I learned to drive, my grandmother has asked me to come over for dinner. She often tries to lock me into a date for the next dinner before the one I’m eating is even finished.

This has always been annoying.

Over the years I would jokingly complain about it, but let it go.

This past year, with her living alone, this has gotten worse.

Now she expects me to come at least twice a week and complains if she doesn’t get enough one-on-one time with me.

She also has been complaining that “It has been a while” since she last saw me when it has only been a few days.

I cringe when she calls or texts because I know I’ll be asked to come over for dinner. Then I have to come up with some excuse – or cave.

I could visit three or four times a week and it still wouldn’t be enough! I don’t want her to stop inviting me over, I just don’t want to make it a part of every conversation.

Without sounding selfish or uncaring, how do I tell her that this kind of behavior is annoying and makes me not want to answer the phone?

– Favorite Grandson

Dear Favorite: I do not give you permission to give your 91-year-old grandmother the brush-off.

One solution is to have a “standing date” once a week with her. Every Sunday afternoon, you will drive over to see her. If you can also see her at other times, that will be a bonus for both of you.

If she agitates about the next date, remind her: “Sunday is just four days away. I’m looking forward to it!”

Your grandmother was widowed last year. She has been through a lot. Her memory may be failing.

Come on, man! You can handle a little annoyance. Show up.

Want to get even more life tips from Amy? Read more of her advice columns here!

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart – ranging from when a grandson says his grandmom is annoying to DNA surprises. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068

© 2021 by Amy Dickinson