Undoing a Friendship Faux Pas

A woman admit she made a friendship faux pas in correcting a long-time friend for her narcissistic behavior. Advice columnist Eric Thomas suggests how she can ease her mistake.

Dear Eric:

I’m in my 70s and have a friend who’s been part of our group of friends for many years. I’ve always had an issue with how she treats my husband and me when we visit. When we enter her home, we are instantly inundated with her stories and complaints without even so much as a “Hey, how are you guys?” We feel ignored because of her need to constantly talk about herself.

I decided to tell her how I felt. I admit I’d had a couple glasses of courage, and my timing probably wasn’t that great. I “let her have it,” expressing my belief that she needs to work on her hosting skills and the tendency of being narcissistic and ignoring her guests. I did this all the while inserting, “we love you guys” to hopefully let her understand my comments were coming from a place of genuine affection and concern.

She turned on me, calling me pompous and arrogant. Needless to say, we are not friendly right now. It’s very awkward since we live across the street from each other and have a common group of people we socialize with. I never wanted to have this end like it has, but what’s done is done. I know I’m most likely the primary reason this is happening. I could have chosen a neutral location and talked with her about why I needed to have this conversation. My bad.

I’m hoping you might have recommendations on what I should do now that I’ve said my peace, and she is highly resentful.

– Friendship Faux Pas

Dear Friendship:

If you would prefer to have things smoothed over – at least to the point of pleasantries – you can tell her what you told me. “I chose the wrong time and the wrong words. I know that I hurt your feelings and I’m sorry.”

A lot of your complaints were gripes about who she is as a person. Even if you’re right, it’s easy to see why she’d be resentful. It also seems that your opinion still stands – which doesn’t bode well for reconciliation.

Still, I think you should reach out to acknowledge what you felt was wrong about your reaction. What’s done may well be done, but you have the opportunity to clean up your side of the street before parting for good.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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Find more words of wisdom like managing a friendship faux pas – from insensitive parents to a husband’s mid-life crisis, DNA surprises, and more – in the Boomer Advice for Life department.