Spiritual Aging Shows the Way
Tips on Growing Older, Wiser, and Happier
Aging isn’t just about getting older – it’s a life stage filled with opportunities and insights for spiritual growth and self-compassion, says Carol Orsborn, Ph.D. in “Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections For Embracing Life.” Her honest book takes a look at later life, reminding us that aging can be filled with purpose and meaning.
Want to grow older, wiser and happier? Unless this happens to be one of those blessed weeks where heaven and earth meet in your heart, you will have challenges. Some are imposed and cannot be avoided, but many are self-created, capable of being lifted by a shift in perspective. These are the times when we are more aware than others of old habits, ways of thinking and behaviors that we know are getting in the way of our happiness. If this is one of those weeks, the time has come to forgive yourself for still harboring the self-protective if no longer necessary strategies of your youth which once were necessary for your survival but now getting in your way.
For so many years you had to rely on your ego defenses: the belief that you could control things and beat the odds to succeed. Without these beliefs, there would have been aspects of yourself too vulnerable to be left exposed, unprotected. However, many of these coping strategies created issues of their own that you then had to address. For instance how often did you exhaust yourself justifying your actions when no defense was called for? How much time did you squander gathering evidence to support a fear that was never based on anything real? How often have you gone down the rabbit hole mistaking resentment for truth? At times, you have judged yourself too harshly by seeking perfection, or by comparing yourself to others.
When you are stuck in old, unwanted patterns, feeling stalled or reactive, here are alternatives for you to consider.
Jealousy
If you are swept up in jealousy, try generosity, instead. Jealousy is always about what you are lacking and that others have. Of course, there is more you’d like to have in your life. In its positive light, this is the ambition that keeps you growing, adventuring, achieving. But conversely, you can become mired in the lethargy of negativity embedded in the narcissistic belief that others have less of a right than you to be happy. Generosity is the clear-eyed willingness to entertain the thought that you have things in your life that others would want for themselves, as well. It doesn’t matter whether the generosity you bestow on others is humble or magnanimous. Generosity offers others a turn at the banquet table of life, too, while you give your jealousy a rest.
Anger
Another item on the checklist is anger—expressed or repressed. Rather than letting anger take control of you, try self-nurturing. At the base of anger is the most vulnerable part of you crying out in pain. Reminding yourself that you are worthy of love clears your vision so that if there are wrongs to be righted, you will come from an empowered rather than reactive state. Sometimes, instead of lashing out, all you really need is a good cry.
Self-pity
In the midst of chaos and confusion, when you are feeling particularly sorry for yourself, try faith. You cannot always rely on self-will to get yourself back on track. There comes those times when you’ve tried every trick in the book and still come up short. At these times, letting yourself hit bottom takes courage. Faith will find you wherever you are, often when you least expect it, and remind you in words already familiar to you from many sources, to let go and let God.
Fear
While facing fear, try truth-telling. Some fears are helpful warnings, alerting you to danger ahead that you are being summoned to address. But not always. When you are triggered, you are likely to catapult into the past, reliving possibilities that are no longer the potent threats they once were. Before you take action, recovery programs advise you to ask yourself if your fear is justified, or more often than not just an acronym for “false. evidence. appearing. real.”
Sadness
Finally, when feeling sad, look for love. Dig deep enough, and beneath the sadness you will always find love—love for someone, love for something, love for somewhere. When life gets in the way of that for which you care, take a moment to appreciate how deeply the furrows of your love run and gratitude for a heart that can uncover beauty, however bittersweet, from pain.
Now that you are finding the courage to set your ego defenses aside in service of increasing your potential for happiness, only one question remains. “What better use can I make of my time and spirit today?” Now do it!
Spiritual aging questions to ponder
Want to grow older, wiser and happier? There are those times when we are more aware than others of old habits, ways of thinking and behaviors that we know are getting in the way of our happiness. If this is one of those weeks, the time has come to forgive yourself for still harboring the self-protective if no longer necessary strategies of your youth which once were necessary for your survival but now getting in your way. Spiritual aging shows how.
- How do you identify impediments to your happiness that are self-created?
- How do some of the very coping mechanisms you relied upon when you were younger work against you as you age?
- What are some of the clues that you are stuck in old patterns?
- How does aging adopted as a spiritual practice provide a means for breaking through to increased freedom?
- Can you give some examples of how spiritual aging can transform negative emotions, such as jealousy and fear, into something uplifting?
Carol Orsborn, Ph.D. is a leader in the conscious aging movement and editor-in-chief of “Fierce with Age: The Digest of Boomer Wisdom, Inspiration, and Spirituality.” The author of more than 35 books, including “The Spirituality of Age” with Robert Weber, Ph.D. and “Older, Wiser, Fiercer,” as well as popular blogs on Huffington Post and BeliefNet.com, she has served on the faculties of Georgetown University, Loyola Marymount University, and Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband in Madison, Tennessee, and Toronto, Ontario. Learn more at CarolOrsborn.com.
