60-Year-Old Man Wants to Father a Child

A man has passed the 60-year mark but his biological clock has just signaled that he should father a child. Is this normal? If so, how can he proceed? Advice columnist Eric Thomas weighs in.

Dear Eric:

Is it normal for an unmarried man over 60 to want a baby? Where should he look for a marriage-minded young woman willing to accept the age difference? How should he deal with the social stigma against May-December relationships?

– Ticking Biological Clock

Dear Clock:

Anyone who is thinking about becoming a parent would be wise to ask themselves what’s at the root of that desire, how a child can fit into their life and lifestyle, what skills and traits they have that would benefit a child, and what skills they can learn to help them be a better parent. In short, they should go into it with eyes as wide open as possible. If you haven’t already, start by asking yourself those questions and see what comes up.

Wanting to be a positive force in a child’s life and to feel the unique love that comes from being a parent is quite natural – if it wasn’t, the species would be in greater peril than it already is. Investigating your feelings will also help you to be a better potential partner and prepare you for conversations with said partner about being an older parent and the stigma of May-December relationships. Be honest on dates and dating sites about what your hopes are and why.

The questions might also lead you to another answer: perhaps you want to be a positive presence for a child in another way, like volunteering, fostering or engaging more with relatives and friends and their children. Try to be creative in your thinking. (Every parent will tell you that creativity is key anyway.) Maybe you don’t actually want a father a child (and face the 4 a.m. feedings that come along with a baby). Maybe what you’re really yearning for is family. There are so many different ways to create and grow a family.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and “Congratulations, The Best Is Over.” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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